| PRELIMINARIES | | | |
| Abstract | However, a statement on anticipated results and conclusion (e.g It’s hoped that this study will add to knowledge/address the existing gap/problem in literature etc) as well as the key terms are missing in the abstract. | Added anticipated results statement and keywords section | xi |
| CHAPTER ONE | | | |
| Introduction | The researcher has not clearly stated/introduced what the section is about in just one long sentence. Avoid one or two sentence paragraphs. | Restructured with well-developed paragraphs, eliminated one-sentence paragraphs | 1 |
| Background | There are few kenya studies on the topic. The researcher needs to immerse self deep into literature and unearth more kenyan studies. | Added comprehensive Kenyan literature (NACADA, Ndegwa, Pere & Yatich, Kiriru, Makau, Mureithi studies) | 2-7 |
| Problem Statement | What is the problem? How does Burnout syndrome affect job satisfaction. In which way? How is this an issue or a problem to be investigated? What triggers Burnout syndrome for nurses? Nurses workload. What happens if the problem is not addressed? | Comprehensive problem statement addressing all questions: core problem, effects, triggers, and consequences | 7-9 |
| Purpose Statement | Revise to make it more sharp and focused to succinctly explain the objectives of the thesis proposal project. How does the author determine the analysis? Is it to determine the analysis or simply…to analyze the University policies… etc? | Revised to “To analyse university policies in the shaping of substance use behaviour” (removed redundancy) | 9 |
| Specific Objectives and Research Questions | The researcher needs to make each objective stand alone without leaving out some features. First objective: Is it to determine or establish prevalence? Objective two: Is it to assess the level of job satisfaction or establish it? | Made each objective standalone using distinct action verbs (assess, evaluate, analyse, explore) | 9 |
| Research Questions | See comment above on specific objectives, align with specific objectives and topic. | Aligned research questions perfectly with objectives using similar wording | 9-10 |
| Assumptions | This section is not introduced. Make this section more specific by an introductory statement like… this study has made several assumptions… etc. Then discuss or highlight them. | Added introductory statement and expanded to five comprehensive assumptions | 11 |
| Scope | Be clear on the effectiveness of these policies on what or in doing what? First sentence is a little bit ambiguous… did you mean in shaping substance use? Revise. The researcher needs to ensure the scope details what the study will explore, such as the target population, extent, or study duration etc clearly. | Clarified scope with specific sections: target population, geographic, temporal, and content scope | 12 |
| Limitations | Are these the only limitations? | Expanded to comprehensive limitations covering methodological, geographic, participant-related, temporal constraints | 12-13 |
| Definition of Terms | The researcher has introduced only two research terms and operationalized them in the study. | Expanded to six key terms with comprehensive definitions | 13-14 |
| Summary | The researcher needs to use correct tenses, e.g. This chapter has discussed, provided, covered…etc and Avoid long sentences spilling over to three lines. | Used correct past tense and eliminated long sentences | 14 |
| CHAPTER TWO | | | |
| Overall Theoretical Framework | The researcher needs to be thorough with the work, ensure the previous research work is not just summarized but synthesized conceptually in line with themes and research objectives relevant to what is being investigated. The researcher should not just lift sources, but make sense of them by rendering voice in the literature section and cite accordingly. | Added synthesis with researcher’s voice and connected concepts to research context | 16-20 |
| Appropriate Coverage of Relevant Topics | The researcher’s voice is missing interacting with the literature sources. | Integrated researcher’s voice throughout with analytical commentary | 21-30 |
| Theories Used | The strengths and limitations of each theory is not clearly discussed. The researcher needs to bring out the weaknesses or the flaws in each theory and the justification of the second theory and it complements the first one. | Added detailed strengths/limitations discussion and theoretical integration section | 16-20 |
| Summary | Use correct tenses and avoid very long sentences, spanning three lines. | Used correct past tense and shortened sentences | 32 |
| CHAPTER THREE | | | |
| Introduction | There is need to use correct transitional words and phrases for smooth flow through sentences and paragraphs. | Enhanced with transitional phrases for logical flow | 34 |
| Sample Size | The researcher needs to be clear on how to access the students for the focused group discussions within the school purview. Also show how the strata will be formed using Proportionate stratified sampling techniques. How is the researcher going to divide sample into discrete subgroups or strata, define strata of the students. | Added detailed strata formation explanation and FGD access procedures | 37-39 |
| Pretesting of Instruments | Not discussed. The researcher needs to indicate where pretesting of research instruments will carried out and justify the choice of the pretesting site. | Added Kenyatta University as pretesting site with detailed justification | 41-42 |
| Data Collection Procedure | More Needs to be done to use transitional words and phrases to negotiate smoothly through sentences and for logical flow of ideas and coherence. | Enhanced with extensive transitional phrases and logical flow | 44-46 |
| Ethical Considerations | Be clear on how to deal with students with severe psychological distress arising from substance related issues. | Added comprehensive protocol for psychological distress management | 47-49 |
| REFERENCES & APPENDICES | | | |
| References | Go through each of them and align well with APA and Daystar guidelines. | Formatted all references according to APA style | 50-54 |
| Appendices | Missing; In this section the researcher has not placed at the end of the thesis proposal appendices material, also omitted key materials necessary for the study. e.g. Where are the tools for collecting data in the appendices section? Do you have a working budget? | Added comprehensive appendices: letters, consent forms, questionnaire, FGD guide | 55-62 |